Another Survey, Why Not, It's Been Awhile

1. Do you know anyone in prison? Not yet.
2. Have you ever logged onto a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush's myspace? Yes.
3. When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? A year ago, I had a craving, the jelly's still in the fridge.
4. Do you have a desk in your room? They're all my room, so, yes.
5. Have you ever gotten naked at a party? Can it really be called a "party" unless you're naked?
6. What kind of car insurance do you have? Caveman, lizard, Taco Bell dog... What was the question?
7. Are you named after one of your parents or grandparents? Yes, my grandmother's name is Jim as well. Just kidding. My grandfather.
8. Does your first significant other still live in the same town as you? No, she was so ashamed she left the country.
9. Do you throw up gang signs? Gang bulls*#t makes me want to throw up.
10. Have you ever broken a rib? Mine or someone else's?
11. Would you rather be a girl or a guy? I've always felt like a lesbian trapped inside a man's body.
12. Who is the most spoiled person you know? My nephew.
13. Would you rather have a million dollars or true love? I've had a million true loves... I'll take the cash.
14. Have you ever had sex in church? No, I'm not Catholic so I've never been an alter boy.
15. Is your boyfriend/girlfriend a marine? No.
16. Do you watch the Grammy's? No.
17. Would you ever work for the border patrol? Tuff job, I wouldn't want to do it but I'm glad there are people that do.
18. Which one word would describe your last relationship: Over.
19. Would you rather date someone 2 years older then you or 20 years older? What an obvious "chick" question.
20. Have you ever slept outside in a tent? Yes, ask Sheriff Joe.
21. Do you have a porn collection? Collection? I've had to employ the Duey Decimal System, it's a library.
22. How many proms have you been to in your life? Three. They were so magical. I'd make the prom dresses disappear.
24. Is your birthday on a holiday? My birthday is a freakin' holiday, in my mind.
26. Do you have any friends or family in the War right now? No, thank God. How long does it take to pipe all the oil out of a country and set fire to the rest anyway?
28. Do you worry about global warming? I worry about my beer getting warm. I don't really care for globes, I'm a relief map kind of guy.
29. Do you like polar bears? Weird, Coca Cola asked me that same question several years back.
30. Have you ever taken back a cheater, only for them to cheat again? I LOVE SLUTS, but no.
31. What kind of birth control do you use? The mental image of that fat, hairy woman with the eight screaming kids that I saw at the supermarket.
32. What slang word(s) do you call marijuana? Drugs are bad. I don't want to glorify weed by refering to pot in slang terms. Mary Jane use has become a chronic problem. Look at Cheech & Chong, those guys haven't worked since the 70's. That's because smoking blunts causes people to lose all their motivation. I'll bet they just melted into the couch like on those t.v. commercials. Melting into the couch is more like an acid trip than a pot thing.
33. Are you an atheist? No, I wouldn't know how to tell God.
34. Did you lose your virginity to your neighbor? No.
35. Did or do you think your childhood dreams will come true? Yes, one day I'll be rockstar firefighter cowboy detective in outer space.
36. Do you wear your sweetie's clothes? No, neither does she if I have anything to say about it.
37. What's your opinion on gold diggers? Never met one, wonder why.
38. Are you a country or city girl/boy? I thank God I'm a country boy but then they took me down to Paradise City which was great because before that I was standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona because Dr. Feelgood told me to take it easy. That's were I met Layla and she offered me cocaine. She said it would make me feel wonderful tonight. I said no because I've heard those kind of promises and it's already after midnight. I told her I'd had enough bad love and she assured me she was a sweet hitch-hiker. We traded her drugs for two tickets to Paradise. We're staying with her cousin Beth who works at a bar called The God Of Thunder where they specialize in cold gin. We partied there our first night but it got helter skelter because there were too many people. What was the question?
39. Is your car a 2001 or higher? It's a convertible, or transformer or something.
40. Do you go pee as soon as you wake up in the morning? It's the only reason I get up in the morning. Then I have some coffee so I can pee some more.