Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Proff Of Heaven
There must be a Heaven. I have confirmed the existence of Hell, Walmart during holiday shopping season. Nothing says holiday spirit like having the growing urge to club everyone invading your personal space with a baseball bat to the tune of Jingle Bells. Where is Quentin Tarantino with a holiday movie I can relate to? There can't be a Heaven without a Hell. Hell most certainly exists at Walmart in late November. No wonder online shopping is so popular. Come to think of it, the grocery store was just as hellish. People, seriously, how many kids to you have to have before you have yourself fixed? What is up with people that can't seem to go to the store without all seventeen members of the family? Dude, it sucks to get stuck behind you. Clear the f---in' aisle so other people can shop! Please, watch your damn kids. There's a guy with candy and a white cargo van just waiting for them. "I don't know how this could have happened to me, I just turned my head for 80 or 90 minutes." Have a happy Thanksgiving. I personally am thankful for condoms and the people that use them.
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2 comments:
Hmm, since you are not allowed to club your fellow customers with baseball bat, you'd better shift to more positive thinking. The person who suffers most from your suppressed anger is you. Try to accept things the way they are – be ready for queues and dozens of kids crowding the aisles, or try to work the Secret – visualize yourself shopping all alone in an empty Walmart :) Maybe you should try to choose different hours for your shoppings – late in the evening on weekend usually works well for me, the later the better. Here in Russia lots of people get caught in the holiday-shopping-rush epidemic as well which lasts all December long, and it tends to annoy me too as I normally don't have time to participate in it until the end of the month, so I just try to stay away from it and think that the holiday spirit stands for something different :)
By the way, I didn't think that there're many families in the States with more than two kids. That surprises me a lot. I thought that most of the American girls were much more interested in persuiing their careers rather than having extensive families. Maybe it's just a stereotype?
Anyway, I'm glad to see you writing something here again :)
Brilliant rant, Jim! Although you might wanna copy edit 'Proff Of Heaven' into the more gramatically correct 'Proof of Heaven'...unless you were trying to get all Tarantino on us by misspelling the title.
Does Tarantino do that?
You know what I mean.
Write more stuff!
Now!
~BOB13
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