"Love is grand, especially when you can be just as happy when your friends find it as you would be for yourself. "
- Jim O'Kelley
My friend Bob has found love. I'm not talking about the kind of love you have for the universe. I'm talking about that special love that two people share together for one another. I found myself happy for them. Why am I not filled with envy? Why am I not thinking the worst? Why am I not thinking thoughts like "Where's my happiness?" I don't know why, but it sure feels good to be happy for them.
Negativity is like cancer. I intend to find a cure. Maybe the cure just found me.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Serious Stuff
I'm going through a phase right now. This phase consists of being completely honest with myself. I was drinking a lot and very often. I asked myself a question. Why? The answer surprised me. I was feeling like I failed to grow up. My definition of what grown up is was something I've tried but didn't find much success with. I was escaping every chance I could because I felt like a failure. My definition of grown up was getting married, buying a house, having a couple of kids, white picket fence... bla, bla, bla. My definition of grown up was wrong. Those are things that people do because they want to not because it makes them feel grown up. I changed my definition. Grown up is meeting your responsibilities, becoming wiser not bitter for your experiences, and not losing what makes you who you are. Bettering yourself has little to do with material things. Then, I thought about it. What is there to escape from? I have a pretty damn good life. So, it's back to writing and recording songs. I don't care who likes them, they're for me. I'm getting too old to be a rock star anyway. Just call me Stella because I'm getting my groove back. On second thought, don't call me Stella. I'll keep the groove though.
Can YOU answer 23 Questions About Your # 2?
Another questionnaire. Thanks someoddgirl. This one is about the #2 on your Myspace friends list. No, not what you normally think when you hear #2, you're #2 friend. Personally, I leave them were they came in unless someone gets their feelings hurt or I made a big deal about my placement on their page. I would not be good at assigning a number to everyone I know. There are too many on the same level.
1) What's their name? Eddie.
2) What is their sexual orientation? Straight.
3) Where did you meet them? I heard one of his songs and thought it was great, then I learned he was my next door neighbor.
4) What was your age when you first met? Thirty, I think.
5) Is this person one of your friends? Yes, a very good one at that.
6) Say something that only makes sense to you and that person. See number twenty-three.
7) Is this person older than you? Yes, not much though.
8) When was the last time you saw this person? Sunday, June 10th.
9) Do you miss them? Yes.
10) Are you related to this person? No.
11) Do you have nicknames for each other? Not really.
12) Is that person bringing sexy back? What the hell does that mean? He would probably say yes with a straight face then a signature Eddie Elliott belly laugh.
13) Do you think that person will repost this? No.
14) Why is this person # 2 on your top friends? They can't all be #1. It's just how it rolled in.
15) Have you seen this person cry? I've seen him get choked up.
16) Do you know this person's last name? Yes, Elliott.
17) Do you tell them a lot about your life? Yes.
18) Doing anything tonight with them? No, he's on tour making music and living the dream.
19) If yes, What? If yes, chicken wings and beer.
20) Do you love them? Of course.
21) Would they date you? That's not the kind of love I have for him. His wife wouldn't be happy either.
22) What's something the person is obsessed with? He has the annoying habbit of trying to make the world a better place. What really pisses me off is that he's doing a good job of it.
23) Does this person make you laugh? All the time. The latest thing that makes us laugh is when we hug someone, we hold on until it get's kind of uncomfortable and weird; then we let go and laugh. Good times.
1) What's their name? Eddie.
2) What is their sexual orientation? Straight.
3) Where did you meet them? I heard one of his songs and thought it was great, then I learned he was my next door neighbor.
4) What was your age when you first met? Thirty, I think.
5) Is this person one of your friends? Yes, a very good one at that.
6) Say something that only makes sense to you and that person. See number twenty-three.
7) Is this person older than you? Yes, not much though.
8) When was the last time you saw this person? Sunday, June 10th.
9) Do you miss them? Yes.
10) Are you related to this person? No.
11) Do you have nicknames for each other? Not really.
12) Is that person bringing sexy back? What the hell does that mean? He would probably say yes with a straight face then a signature Eddie Elliott belly laugh.
13) Do you think that person will repost this? No.
14) Why is this person # 2 on your top friends? They can't all be #1. It's just how it rolled in.
15) Have you seen this person cry? I've seen him get choked up.
16) Do you know this person's last name? Yes, Elliott.
17) Do you tell them a lot about your life? Yes.
18) Doing anything tonight with them? No, he's on tour making music and living the dream.
19) If yes, What? If yes, chicken wings and beer.
20) Do you love them? Of course.
21) Would they date you? That's not the kind of love I have for him. His wife wouldn't be happy either.
22) What's something the person is obsessed with? He has the annoying habbit of trying to make the world a better place. What really pisses me off is that he's doing a good job of it.
23) Does this person make you laugh? All the time. The latest thing that makes us laugh is when we hug someone, we hold on until it get's kind of uncomfortable and weird; then we let go and laugh. Good times.
Monday, June 18, 2007
1991
1991
Today's entry is courtesy of Captain Paul. It seems I'm a sucker for these things so I filled it out. The questions are based on the year you graduated from high school.
1. Who was your best friend? Dennis.
2.What sports did you play? Does quarters count?
3. What kind of car did you drive? 1985 Chevy Blazer.
4. It's Friday night, where were you? House party, desert party, movie, or bowling then Denny's.
5. Were you a party animal? I thought so.
6. Were you considered a flirt? Did I flirt? Yes.
7. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? No.
8. Were you a nerd? I didn't think so, but probably. Who wasn't?
10. Can you sing the fight song? Not really.
11. Who were your favorite teachers? Ghandi, Christ, Socrates, oh and Mr. Roberts.
12. Where did you sit during lunch? At a table like a civilized human being.
13.What was your school's full name? Shadow Mountain High School.
14. School mascot? Matador.
15. Did you go to Prom? Yes, several of them.
16. If you could go back and do it over, would you? What, Prom? No thanks, everytime I put on a tux these days someone gets married.
17. What do you remember most about graduation? Sweating, it was HOT.
18. What was your favorite class? Creative Writing.
19. Where were you on senior ditch day? I don't remember where I was yesterday. It's a pretty safe bet that I wasn't at school.
20. Were you in any clubs? You mean... like a gang? No.
21. Where did you go most often for lunch? Arnold's, with Potsie and the Fonz. When I was allowed off campus for lunch we went all kinds of places; home, Pizza Hut (Back when they had dine-in), Peter Piper, Taco Bell, Tamborino's, Uncle Sam's, Burger King and Paradise Valley Mall Food Court.
23. What did you do after graduation? Drink.
24. When did you graduate? 1991.
25. Who was your Senior prom date? Bridget.
26. Are you going to your 10 year reunion? Yes, six years ago.
27. Who was your home room teacher? I don't know, I'm not sure that I knew then either.
28. Who will repost this after you? I don't know.
29. Who was your high school sweetheart? Sharon.
30. Do you still talk to people from high school? Yes, they pop up from time to time.
31. Are you where you'd thought you'd be in life? No, I have indoor plumbing, electricity, a cell phone and I don't live with my parents.
Today's entry is courtesy of Captain Paul. It seems I'm a sucker for these things so I filled it out. The questions are based on the year you graduated from high school.
1. Who was your best friend? Dennis.
2.What sports did you play? Does quarters count?
3. What kind of car did you drive? 1985 Chevy Blazer.
4. It's Friday night, where were you? House party, desert party, movie, or bowling then Denny's.
5. Were you a party animal? I thought so.
6. Were you considered a flirt? Did I flirt? Yes.
7. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? No.
8. Were you a nerd? I didn't think so, but probably. Who wasn't?
10. Can you sing the fight song? Not really.
11. Who were your favorite teachers? Ghandi, Christ, Socrates, oh and Mr. Roberts.
12. Where did you sit during lunch? At a table like a civilized human being.
13.What was your school's full name? Shadow Mountain High School.
14. School mascot? Matador.
15. Did you go to Prom? Yes, several of them.
16. If you could go back and do it over, would you? What, Prom? No thanks, everytime I put on a tux these days someone gets married.
17. What do you remember most about graduation? Sweating, it was HOT.
18. What was your favorite class? Creative Writing.
19. Where were you on senior ditch day? I don't remember where I was yesterday. It's a pretty safe bet that I wasn't at school.
20. Were you in any clubs? You mean... like a gang? No.
21. Where did you go most often for lunch? Arnold's, with Potsie and the Fonz. When I was allowed off campus for lunch we went all kinds of places; home, Pizza Hut (Back when they had dine-in), Peter Piper, Taco Bell, Tamborino's, Uncle Sam's, Burger King and Paradise Valley Mall Food Court.
23. What did you do after graduation? Drink.
24. When did you graduate? 1991.
25. Who was your Senior prom date? Bridget.
26. Are you going to your 10 year reunion? Yes, six years ago.
27. Who was your home room teacher? I don't know, I'm not sure that I knew then either.
28. Who will repost this after you? I don't know.
29. Who was your high school sweetheart? Sharon.
30. Do you still talk to people from high school? Yes, they pop up from time to time.
31. Are you where you'd thought you'd be in life? No, I have indoor plumbing, electricity, a cell phone and I don't live with my parents.
Friday, June 8, 2007
55 Quirks About Me
I got this from a myspace bulletin posted by someoddgirl. I thought it would be fun to answer and post.
55 Quirks about me:
1)What are your initials? J.B.O. II.
2. What is your favorite thing to wear? A knowing grin.
3. Last thing you ate? A ham sandwich.
4. I say "SHOTGUN", you say? Hunting with the vice president.
5. Last person you hugged? My nephew.
6. Does anyone you know wanna date you? Only they would know.
7. The last place you went out to dinner? Outback Steakhouse.
8. Who is your best friend? All my friends are best friends, I don't have time for meaningless associations.
9. Why are you still up? They won't let me sleep at work.
10.Who/What made you angry today? I haven't been angry today.
11. Favorite type of Food? People food.
12. Favorite holiday? Halloween. It asks so little of me.
13. Do you download music? Not so much.
14. Do you care if your socks are dirty? Sure, why put them in the hamper if they are clean?
15. Would you date the person who posted this? I did once.
16. Has anyone ever sang or played music for you personally? Yes.
17. Do you love anyone? No, I love everyone.
18. Have you ever bungee jumped? Bungee what??
19. Have you ever gone white-water rafting? On purpose?
20. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? Does my scout leader count?
21. Have you met a real redneck? Does my scout leader count?
22. How is the weather right now? Hot.
23. What are you listening to right now? The voices in my head, mostly.
24. What is your current favorite song? Key West by Eddie Elliott.
25. What was the last movie you watched? Indiana Jones - The Last Crusade.
26. Do you wear contacts? No.
27. Where was the last place you went besides your house? I went to buy a 37" LCD HDTV.
28. What are you afraid of? Whatcha got?
29. How many piercings have you had? Three.
30. How many pets do you have? None.
31. What's one thing you've learned this year? Only one thing?
32. What do you usually order from Starbucks? Coffee.
33. Have you ever fired a gun? That reminds me of the last thing my father said before he died. Jimmy that gun's loaded! I'm just kidding, I didn't shoot my father. Well, I didn't kill him.
34. Favorite TV show? House.
35. Do you have an iPod? I used to.
36. Who would you like to see right now? My iPod.
37. Favorite movie? The Wizard Of Oz.
38. Do you find yourself loved? It's unavoidable. I've tried.
39. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't ? I entered an isle in the music store that someone cut the cheese in and someone else walked up and thought I did it. It was funny.
40. Favorite flower? Venus Flytrap.
41. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn? Swimming in real butter, lightly salted.
42. What Magazines are you reading? They have porn on DVD now, no need for magazines.
43. Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently? Yes, real close, about six feet away. Don't romanticise suicide, it's gross.
44. What's something that really bugs you? Traffic.
45. Do you like Michael Jackson? Never met him.
46. Is your best friend attractive? They all are in some way.
47. What's your favorite smell? The smell of the Phoenix Mountain Preserve after it rains.
48. Favorite baseball team? The Bad News Bears.
49. Favorite cereal? Bacon & Gravy-O's. The bacon stays crispy in the gravy. Just add milk.
50. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep? With or without the aid of meth?
51. Last time you went bowling? It's been awhile, never been very good at it.
52. Where is the weirdest place you have slept? Next to my ex-wife. Well, it seems really weird now.
53. Who was your last phone call? My employer.
54. Who was your last text message? My herbal supplement specialist.
55. What's the closest orange object to you? One of Sheriff Joe's chain gangs with the orange vests. I think they are women. They're picking up trash by the road.
55 Quirks about me:
1)What are your initials? J.B.O. II.
2. What is your favorite thing to wear? A knowing grin.
3. Last thing you ate? A ham sandwich.
4. I say "SHOTGUN", you say? Hunting with the vice president.
5. Last person you hugged? My nephew.
6. Does anyone you know wanna date you? Only they would know.
7. The last place you went out to dinner? Outback Steakhouse.
8. Who is your best friend? All my friends are best friends, I don't have time for meaningless associations.
9. Why are you still up? They won't let me sleep at work.
10.Who/What made you angry today? I haven't been angry today.
11. Favorite type of Food? People food.
12. Favorite holiday? Halloween. It asks so little of me.
13. Do you download music? Not so much.
14. Do you care if your socks are dirty? Sure, why put them in the hamper if they are clean?
15. Would you date the person who posted this? I did once.
16. Has anyone ever sang or played music for you personally? Yes.
17. Do you love anyone? No, I love everyone.
18. Have you ever bungee jumped? Bungee what??
19. Have you ever gone white-water rafting? On purpose?
20. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? Does my scout leader count?
21. Have you met a real redneck? Does my scout leader count?
22. How is the weather right now? Hot.
23. What are you listening to right now? The voices in my head, mostly.
24. What is your current favorite song? Key West by Eddie Elliott.
25. What was the last movie you watched? Indiana Jones - The Last Crusade.
26. Do you wear contacts? No.
27. Where was the last place you went besides your house? I went to buy a 37" LCD HDTV.
28. What are you afraid of? Whatcha got?
29. How many piercings have you had? Three.
30. How many pets do you have? None.
31. What's one thing you've learned this year? Only one thing?
32. What do you usually order from Starbucks? Coffee.
33. Have you ever fired a gun? That reminds me of the last thing my father said before he died. Jimmy that gun's loaded! I'm just kidding, I didn't shoot my father. Well, I didn't kill him.
34. Favorite TV show? House.
35. Do you have an iPod? I used to.
36. Who would you like to see right now? My iPod.
37. Favorite movie? The Wizard Of Oz.
38. Do you find yourself loved? It's unavoidable. I've tried.
39. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't ? I entered an isle in the music store that someone cut the cheese in and someone else walked up and thought I did it. It was funny.
40. Favorite flower? Venus Flytrap.
41. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn? Swimming in real butter, lightly salted.
42. What Magazines are you reading? They have porn on DVD now, no need for magazines.
43. Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently? Yes, real close, about six feet away. Don't romanticise suicide, it's gross.
44. What's something that really bugs you? Traffic.
45. Do you like Michael Jackson? Never met him.
46. Is your best friend attractive? They all are in some way.
47. What's your favorite smell? The smell of the Phoenix Mountain Preserve after it rains.
48. Favorite baseball team? The Bad News Bears.
49. Favorite cereal? Bacon & Gravy-O's. The bacon stays crispy in the gravy. Just add milk.
50. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep? With or without the aid of meth?
51. Last time you went bowling? It's been awhile, never been very good at it.
52. Where is the weirdest place you have slept? Next to my ex-wife. Well, it seems really weird now.
53. Who was your last phone call? My employer.
54. Who was your last text message? My herbal supplement specialist.
55. What's the closest orange object to you? One of Sheriff Joe's chain gangs with the orange vests. I think they are women. They're picking up trash by the road.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Back From Re-Hab
I've been getting in touch with my feelings while going through re-hab. I don't like re-hab, I don't like feelings but at least I remember why I started drinking to begin with. I've learned that you can't depend on other people and If you don't believe in God or some higher power, the burden rests solely on your own shoulders. Instead of getting screwed up on alcohol they encourage you to get screwed up on God. It seems to me that there should be more to it.
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